It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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