i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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