Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
