The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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