Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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