omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
