Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
