Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
