I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just found a bag of teeth...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
