Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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