they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
