people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
