Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
