I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
40s are totally the cure
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
