I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
