i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
