i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
