I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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