"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
