About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
