my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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