He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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