Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
