just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
