Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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