I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
