why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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