Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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