Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
