Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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