boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
