my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
