i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
