I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
