We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
