I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
