i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
In America we eat man semen.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
