I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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