he shaved USA in his pubs
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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