My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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