my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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