I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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