i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
