Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
