Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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