I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
