You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
