And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
