A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
