Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
try to milk me bitch
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
