idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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