He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
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