so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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