Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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