***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
