There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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